This very common behavior is damaging our relationship

We all do it, every day: I wash the dishes six times this week, he only once. He took advantage of me. I invested two thousand euros in the purchases we made for the house, he one thousand eurway.

“Some people see relationships like a bank account“, as confirmed by Laurel Houseauthor of the book “Changing the Rules: The No Game Guide to Love” (“Breaking the Rules: A Guide to Love Without Games”). “But it is natural heavy-headedbecause it is difficult to calculate the profits and they losses».

As the author continues:Even if both partners agree on this measure, the weight of each “saving” or “disbursement” cannot be determined accurately, and one person can easily feel that there is an imbalance, that he is the biggest contribution.».

“Even if both partners agree on this scale, the weight of each ‘saving’ or ‘payment’ is not precisely determined, and one can easily feel that there is an imbalance, that he is contributing for the most part. »

The result is that it accumulates DISAPPOINTMENT and ANGERusually from both sides, as we attend to remember usually what we offer to our partner than to us GIVES that. We are also slowly starting to become more “pitiful ones“, in our actions but also in our material benefits, as we think: “If I pay this, will he reciprocate by paying another?». THE:”If I do this, will he do something else?». It is exhausting, stressful and gradually builds one divisions on relationshipwhich may lead to separation.

The magnitude of love – whether romantic, friendly or kinship – is we give without waiting LETTERS. But how many of us and how many times in our lives have we mastered it?

“As a clinical psychologist, I work with many couples. kindness common pattern in relationships to keep score“, comments psychologist Dr. Judy Rosenberg. “They don’t seem to rest until the “score” is tied. This may be the case, for example, with their extramarital affairs».

“As a clinical psychologist, I work with many couples. Keeping score is a common pattern in relationships,” commented psychologist Dr. Judy Rosenberg. “It seems that they will not rest until the score is tied.” This can happen, for example, in their extramarital affairs.”

But it can also happen with simpler, everyday things, like the fact that someone promised to take it WASTE and he does not, with the result that the other person decides, in order to “retaliate”, not to cook the food that their partner wants.

How we stop “keeping score”

Whatever you give in a relationship, give for you feel and not in return for something else. If you stop wanting to give up on a relationship, then you need to ask yourself how you feel about someone: Have you ever been together love or because, for example, you are afraid of him Loneliness;

Remember, too, that each person has his own priorities and his own strength. It could be, for example, that your spouse often forgets your birthday, but contributes to the household with more responsibilities than their usual share. He may not have the money, at this time, to contribute equally to the expenses of a trip, but will make the whole organization of it. And if you insist you hold it score ask yourself: Why You did it; Look for the real problems behind this behavior, within your relationship and within yourself. If necessary, with the help of an expert.